Hard to Kidnap

Some "doctors" will tell you that you need to lose "weight" to improve your overall "health". You know what's unhealthy? Having your wrists duct taped behind your bask as you bounce around on the floor of a windowless van. That's right. Not too many kidnap victims will tell you they are leading a happy and healthy life. That's why you have to gain weight. Put on those pounds. It makes you harder to kidnap, and that my friends, is what we call a "long term" plan for a "healthy" "life". Also, this shirt is available in sizes up to 5XL, so you know, that's good too.